Christmas Wishes
by Rawberry
Summary: I just wanted to give you a special gift, one that could bring you so much more happiness. Why must it end this way? I love you, Roxas. AkuRoku, death, onesided boy love, oneshot, rated recently raised for language, sexual situations, uber angst


A/N: This is a weird fic I wrote in August 2006. I can't believe it was that long ago. This is what I wrote originally. Characters not mine, of course.

"This is pretty much the saddest thing I've ever written, made me cry. Do not expect a happy ending. And yes, it's AkuRoku. Review if you like it!

* * *

><p>Christmas Wishes<p>

The tree was lit up, and Castle Oblivion was at it's cheeriest. These were simple times, just living life, no cares or worries. Axel passed Roxas a present addressed to him, wrapped in shiny gold paper. "That's from me, open it!"

Roxas smiled and complied. His eyes lit up at the gift inside, a bright red scarf, customized with his name on it. "Aw, thank you Axel!"

The boys shared a hug. A simple hug that to Axel, meant so much more than that. Every touch, every look, everything Roxas did made Axel love him more. 'One day you'll love me,' Axel thought to himself as they parted.

The entire Organization was happy, even Zexion, who could be quite the kill-joy. The radio set to Christmas music was interrupted by a man that was saying things about a heavy snow that was blowing in. Axel ignored it, enjoying the company of his best friends.

It was about eleven p.m., and the house was quiet. Everyone had gone to bed, tired from Christmas Eve activities. The Organization always celebrated on Christmas Eve instead of the Day. It was just tradition.

Axel was still with Roxas on the couch, watching him play his new PSP. He breathed in the scent of Roxas' hair, smiling.

"Hey?"

Roxas looked up at him, "Yeah?"

"How 'bout we go for a walk?"

"Now?"

"Yes, now. It will be fun!"

Roxas looked out the window. There was a gentle snow falling, and it was pitch black out, other than the lights that lit the small town nearby, "Okay, Axel. Just let me get dressed."

Axel walked to the foyer and pulled on his coat, gloves and earmuffs. Roxas tromped down the steps clad in his winter wear, "You look like such a dork with those earmuffs!" he teased.

"Oh hush!" Axel played, handing Roxas his new scarf, "Here you go."

Roxas took it and wrapped it around his neck. They slipped on their shoes and walked out the door.

"Kingdom Avenue," the boys stopped, and looked up at the street sign, dusted with snowflakes, "This is where I first met you, remember?"

Roxas scratched his head, "I was really little. Like, five, right?"

"Yeah..." Axel replied, reminding himself of how tiny Roxas was. Although, even now at the age of 18, Roxas was small.

"Axel?" Roxas looked at the red head, with a smile on his face, "Merry Christmas," he wrapped his arms around Axel, who copied.

Roxas sighed, "I'm so glad I met you."

Axel looked down, Roxas was only a head shorter than him now.

The blond pulled away, and smiled, "We better get back, before the others wo-mmf!" But he was cut off.

"Roxas..." Axel muttered, pressing his chapped lips against Roxas' soft pink ones.

The younger squirmed, trying to pull from the kiss but failed, only pushing himself and Axel closer. Axel poked his tongue into Roxas' mouth, only to be denied by a sharp bite on it. He pulled back, shocked, letting go of Roxas. His tongue stung, and the taste of metal could be recognized. "Did you just bite me?" he asked, looking up at him.

Roxas had tears running down his cheeks, dripping onto his bright red scarf around his neck. "I didn't want you to..." Roxas couldn't talk anymore, he just turned and ran.

'Real mature. Just run away from the situation. Is running all you can do?'

He wasn't planning on running away, but then again, he wasn't planning for Axel to take him out on Christmas Eve, and kiss him under the stars.

He also wasn't planning to like it.

Axel was still standing there, by a streetlamp on Kingdom Avenue, the cold wind lashing his face. He put his gloved hands into the pockets of his coat and began trudging back to Castle Oblivion. He passed a store decorated with Christmas lights and decorations, it was dark inside but the outside radiated with holiday cheer. He frowned, pushing a strand of hair from his face, "Merry fuckin' Christmas..."

Roxas wasn't going back to the Castle. He didn't want to see Axel. He was angry, so fucking angry it hurt his stomach. Why did he have to drag him away from a nice evening? Even Zexion and Xemnas were getting along... Why did he have to give him that kiss? Wasn't friendship enough for Axel? Why can't things stay simple, even on Christmas?

The blond found himself on the ground, hunched over shivering. Who cares where I am? Stupid fucking Axel.

"No one's going to find me."

Maybe Axel will save me.

"Axel's stupid. I don't like him."

I could die out here, where is he?

"Kissing is stupid. And Axel is gay."

But I want Axel. I have forever.

Roxas was slumped against a metal fence, drifting to sleep, the snow acting as a blanket. The storm they predicted was at it's peak now, and it was hard to see anything.

Axel had that feeling. That feeling the big movie heroes seem to get when they sense trouble. That feeling you don't want to believe, but know is right. He turned down an alley, that emptied out into the park. He walked over to the swings, and sat down. He could remember the times he and Roxas would play here. For some reason, he felt like those memories were never going to be relived. Roxas could never look at him the same again, even if he wanted to. That was just his way.

"Axel! Push me higher!"

Stupid memories, always getting in the way of angsting.

Laughter. That's all he wanted was laughter. He wanted Roxas to kiss him, and laugh with him, joking about how silly they acted that one Christmas, when they shared their first kiss.

Axel sighed, watching his hot breath being carried away by the icy wind. It must be ten below, it's so cold out. The red head stood up and decided a walk in the park would be nice. The storm was dying down anyways. In fact, he could actually make out the other shapes in the park. He walked along the cement sidewalk that lined the playground. He grabbed a stick that was sticking through the fence and ran it along the metal links.

About halfway through his walk, the storm had settled down into a light shower of falling snowflakes. 'This would be so romantic, if Roxas were here. I sure hope he got home safe.'

Suddenly Axel found himself on the ground, tripped by a lump against the fence. "What the?"

A shuddering figure was limp against the fence. Axel's eyes met it's, and he gasped, in his own over-reacting style, "ROXAS!"

He rushed to crawl to the boy, wrapping his arms around him. Roxas' face was pale, and he was breathing too slowly. Axel took no time to ask questions but picked him up and ran as fast as he ever had to the Castle.

"Roxas... Come on..." Axel was rubbing his hand, laying next to him in the bed.

Roxas was silent. His breathing was raspy and sounded painful. The red head couldn't stop the tears flowing from his eyes. The two were covered in blankets, naked underneath. Their clothes were too soaked from the snow. Axel felt a small squeeze on his hand, and he looked into the blond's eyes, "Axel..."

Axel's tears stopped, "What is it? I'll do anything for you!"

"Get... get out," Roxas coughed, "Get the fuck out."

His heart jumped. Could he really still be angry just because of a kiss?

"I told you," Roxas' voice was regaining strength, "Get out of my fucking room."

"No, Roxas, you're delusional, you're not making sense, see, I saved you!" Axel tried to explain, a bit panicked.

"Now." Roxas said, turning over, facing away from Axel.

Axel understood. Roxas didn't love him. He didn't want to see him anymore. "Roxas... I'm sorry, I love you."

"GET OUT!" Roxas screamed, choking on his spit.

The elder got out of bed, still in the nude, and walked out of his room, down the hall.

He stared at the tiles, black and white, repeating themselves, until he got to his room, marked with a 'VIII.' He shut the door behind him, and meandered to his bed. He sat down on it, staring out the window. His eyes felt heavy. The tears were coming again, forcing themselves through his eyelids, spilling onto his chest. Fuck crying.

Axel stood up, walking over to his full-length mirror, "Don't worry, you'll make him love you."

But he couldn't believe himself, he wouldn't. For some reason, times felt dark now. He couldn't stay here, alone, he might do something drastic and stupid.

'I've got to get out of this room.'

Again, disregarding clothes, Axel walked back out into the hall. He was going to Roxas. There was no way that he could be away from him.

The door creaked open at his touch, coaxing him in. The dim light of the hall shone on Roxas' face, washing it out. Axel slowly walked inside, careful to not wake him. He made his way to the bed, and slipped under the covers. He didn't touch Roxas, and was sure that he didn't wake him by getting in. He just turned to stare at the back of his head, and let sleep over take him.

But Roxas was awake. But barely. He could feel hypothermia taking it's toll on his thin body. He used what he could of his strength to turn over, and curl up next to Axel. He pushed himself up to Axel's lips, meeting them. "Axel, I'm dying..."

Axel groaned, in a sleepy manner, pulling Roxas close by reflex.

Roxas' breath slowed, and he was falling asleep quickly. A sleep that he couldn't awaken from. He let the dark overtake him, his body going limp.

* * *

><p>AN: I don't really know what to say after writing something emo like that! Haha, it took the most sad music i could find in my collections to write that. (Sad equalls Final Fantasy X soundtrack lawl)  
>Well, I hope you enjoyed! Oh, and if you review, do not ask me to continue, it's an ONE SHOT that means one chapter."<p>

-Rawberry


End file.
